Somewhere along the line in his quest to conquer and be great in the eyes of the “gun club”, he started to see an erosion of a major part of his life that he held most dear. He knew his wife wasn’t alright, but he didn’t know what was going on with her not necessarily because he was gone often, but more importantly because he was emotionally absent from his home.

Almost 13 years after joining the Marine Corps, MSgt Rudd's marriage was crumbling as he and his wife were emotionally distant, he was not the father he wanted to be, and internally he was struggling with dealing with the violence he had witnessed and participated in. He was struggling with burnout, but on a deeper level he was struggling with a sucking chest wound of finding an elusive sense of satisfaction in life. What was the problem? It seemed the darkness would overtake this operator...

John Basilone was a traditional guy. He loved his country and he loved the brothers he fought with. However, he wanted more than anything else to have a wife and family of his own. He is quoted to have said, “I wanted to know how it was to love somebody the way Pop loved Mama. At least I wanted a few days, or weeks if I could get it, to know what it is like to be married. I wanted to be able to say, ‘I love you’ a few times and mean it.” (Quote from Hero of the Pacific, James Brady)